Best Place to Work For

Every year Programmer Y’s company tries to get into the list of Best Place to Work For. This time the effort to get into that list that had preluded them for such a long time was the gruesome one. This was the new vision of our new CEO and because of this the entire organization was shaken up to accomplish this. Everybody was asked to come up with an Idea to improve our process. And in this turmoil even Programmer Y got caught.

Our Pappu^[1] (Project Manager) had set up a meeting to come up with suggestion on how the company can win the award of “One of the best place to work”.

^[1] BTW we call our Project Manager Pappu because Pappu can’t code saala. Yeah he has been to many countries for different onsite project. He has earned lot of money and doubles his money by actively trading in the market. Paapu has got a big size sedan car, he his handsome blue-eyed bachelor and is a craze amongst the Girls. Pappu also has an UK English Nasal ascent because of his 6 years stay over there. But when you ask him anything about the project he has no idea. He will simply find a team player and burden him with all the question you try to find an answer from him

Pappu has asked our Pandu^[2] (i.e. the Project Lead) to gather all the team members for the meeting and before that asked him to send an email to make sure everybody know what’s this meeting for and can start gathering ideas for it.

^[2] Pandu is a Mumbaiya slang for traffic police. Who feels that he is the boss of that area and everybody fears him. But on the contrary no Indian bother about him unless he is a new unlicensed driver or he is about to slap him with a fine. And why we call our Project Lead a Pandu is because he acts and behaves in a similar manner. He controls how the project works he feels that he is boss around there because our Pappu has no interest in controlling the project. But in the end all of us never really care about him. Only the new comer how does not know the real team structure feels obliged to respect him with the fear that he will be treated badly if he does not respect him.

Lot of talks has already started amongst team member regarding this meeting. Some of them in a constructive way were trying to find solutions to really improve this place, while other senior programmers like Programmer Y always knew that this place was not better than a livestock breeding place and it could never be improved. So the meeting started Pappu had learned a new methodology called as Scrum and he tried to start everything in a same manner. He called up meeting without any prior back time only to say that it’s an agile way of doing a stand up meeting. He was trying to stretch the Agile methodologies loophole in every aspect of his Managerial activity called “Time Pass”.

So he asked everybody to start giving up one idea at a time and he would do is list down and will discuss on it. Now the turn came up for Programmer Y. He stood up and said “Stop treating us like Diseased Livestock”. There was a complete silence in the room after this statement for 10-15 seconds & Pappu expression told that he was very much taken back by this statement.

Pappu tried to control his anger and try to defend^[3] what company did was best for us.

^[3] Project Managers in any company are paid only to defend the company and its policies. Even if they are facing the same problem they will always try to make sure that they have a point that will make everybody think that everything is fine. It’s their way of thinking & turning a blind eye to problems of other makes them the manager. The better you are at in defending the company the more progress you will make in climbing up the ladder.

And he asked me how company was treating me as a dead livestock. Before I could answer his question he shot me another of his smarty pants statement that here is the conversation below

Pappu : If You were a live stock, you would be eating grass.

Programmer Y : My chapatis are made from Wheat flour. Wheat is a grass.

Pappu : You would be than living in a Pen.

Programmer Y : Also known as a Cubicle.

Pappu : Livestock has no freedom.

Programmer Y : Can I go home now.

Pappu : No

Programmer Y: Mooooooo.

Pappu had finally given up his fight with Programmer Y. Pappu cannot kick his butt because Programmer Y manages one of his most critical projects single handedly and client loves him. Programmer Y finally leaves the room with a smile on his face putting down another check mark for his another successful Pappu humiliating effort on his white board in his cubicle. Pappu has started finding pleasure and a calming effect in his small petty fights with Pappu which at the end of the day leave him with a sense of pride and feeling of victory.

This is what Programmer Y thinks and put it as the most important point which makes his company “One of the Best Place to Work”.

Chao

- Programmer Y